A few weeks back, I was reading through my high school journal. In March of my junior year, my favorite band was coming in concert in my home town. They had come a few times in previous years, but I was never able to go. I was pretty excited when I heard they were going to be there March 7th. I read the school newspaper, and found out that a boys-choice dance was that same night. I figured I would buy my ticket, because I hadn't been asked to any other dances, and I was pretty sure that wasn't going to be changing anytime soon.
How very wrong I was. The day I was going to buy my ticket, some boys showed up at my house, with very large boxes. Almost everyday in high school, I would come home from school and take a nap, so I was asleep when this was happening. The doorbell woke me up, and I was surprised to see one of the dorkiest, nerdiest boys in my graduating class standing at my door. I'm sure he was just as surprised to see me with my disheveled hair (I'm super ugly when I first wake up) I was supposed to pick a box, and whoever was under the box, would be my date. Cute idea, yes. Cute boys, not so much. I picked the tallest box, thinking it was my friend, and it wasn't. I didn't even really know the boy under the box. To this day, I still don't know him. He asked me right then and there if I would go to the dance with him, and I was crushed. He was there, on my sidewalk, standing in a box, in front of all his friends. How could I tell him no? So, I said yes, and cried for the next 4 hours.
I was sitting in my kitchen complaining about how the only thing I wanted that year was to go that concert, and now I couldn't. My mom suggested I look up their concert schedule and see if they were going to be in a near-by city a night after or before that, and see if dad would take me there. Lucky me: the next night, they would be performing in Las Vegas. I was unsure how my dad would respond, but he was all for it. We rented a car and drove down the morning after the awful date (he spent a total of $26 on the entire date. I spent more on my outfit alone.) and Kellie Pickler opened for Rascal Flatts. She sang her new song, 'Somebody to Love Me', and I was in tears. She told the story about how she was emailing a friend at 2 in the morning, about how she's been wildly successful, yet she still feels incomplete because she doesn't have someone to love her. The song hit me weird: I didn't have anyone to love me that way either. Especially with the way the previous night had happened (my date didn't even make eye contact with me. Heaven forbid he had to touch me while danced!). My dad leaned over and said that he was glad he had so many great people to love. Yeah, right dad.
I was 98% sure that was the worst date someone could ever go on, but oh...how I was wrong. Let me tell you my Best-Worst-Date-I've-Ever-Been-On-Story:
Around Halloween of junior year, Bestfriend's mom got tickets to a ghetto amusement park about a half an hour away from where we lived from her work. Bestfriend and 2 sisters invited friends to come, and I was one of them. Bestfriend and I got on a ski-lift-wannabe and found a number that said girls should text it. So, naive 17 year old me, did. We found out that Nosebleed* (a fitting name, I think) lived 20 minutes away from us, give or take, and was also 17. We figured it was safe, because he didn't know anything about me before I knew things like that about him. Nosebleed and I talked everyday for almost 4 months. He watched me when I was on TV, and even came to see me at a Christmas concert, but didn't talk to me.
I trusted NB, for some reason. Probably because he didn't know anyone I was talking about, and so I always got his honest, sincere opinion. I told him about AbusiveAlmostBoyfriend, and he made me feel better about wanting and deserving better. He offered to protect me, but I was still unsure. After a while, I got sick of him stalking me, and asking me on dates, and having to think up excuses (saying you have to babysit only works for so long), and so I told him that I had a boyfriend.
This obviously was false. I still have never had a boyfriend. He backed off, and didn't text me for 2 months. Apparently a lot can happen in 2 months, because in that span of time, I was first Austin's girlfriend, and Austin and Connor were best friends. (Austin and Connor didn't exist. Oops...) Austin was abusive, but rich. I worked for his dad for a while, and I made enough money to buy a car. And Connor was the nice go-to guy when things with Austin fell through. Connor wrecked my 'car'. I was with Connor for a long, long time. We would have law and order marathons together every Sunday night, and there were many nights that I spent the night at his house.
I found a paper I'd written with the texts between Nosebleed and I when I was worried about the AbusiveAlmostBoyfriend, and realized I could give Nosebleed another chance. So I texted him, and asked if he remembered me. He didn't, but then I reminded him. We talked for another 7 months, about everything. Nosebleed was my AlmostBoyfriend, even though we'd never met each other.
Finally, I decided I needed to be nice and suck it up and go on a date with the boy. So I did. It was on Labor Day of my senior year. I had work from 8 to 2, and a voice lesson from 3 to 3:45. I was supposed to meet Nosebleed at 4:30 at the bowling alley behind my house. He called me at 3:50, (still at the voice lesson) and told me he was stuck in traffic, but would be there soon. I said okay and went home to brush my teeth and change my clothes. I got a call 10 minutes later from him asking where I was. I told him we were supposed to meet at 4:30, and so I would see him then. He was upset, but my parents were home, so we had to wait. He told me we'd have more make out time if I got there sooner.
I left my house at 4:30 and walked over. He thought I was driving a silver car, and I told him I didn't have a car, or we would have been able to meet closer to his house. He called me the week before at work and asked what I was up to. I told him I was just selling my peaches and my salsa. He said he wanted some, so I asked what kind he wanted. He said peach, and I had a jar of it sitting on my bed that I forgot to grab before I went over to the bowling alley.
I called him when I got there 5 minutes later, and asked him where he was. I told him that if I didn't see him in the next 15 seconds, I would leave and never talk to him again. He freaked "Honey, I'm here. Just wait. Tell me where you are." I told him, and asked what color of car he was driving. He said red. I saw the reflection of it in the building. He turned, and I looked, and saw..the ugliest face I'd ever seen sitting in the driver's seat.
He had small, squinty eyes that weren't proportionate to the rest of his body, and sideburns. I saw him, took a deep breath, and reached for the door handle. It wasn't where most door handles are: it was on the side of the window. I didn't even realize this until after he had reached across to open the door. I apologized for forgetting his salsa, and when I turned to look at him, he scrunched his face at me. I started to laugh, and I asked what he was doing. He told me he was making a funny face, and I should do it back. Uh...no. He told me we could go back to my house and get his salsa. I said I wasn't sure I was ready for him to see where I lived, but he still wanted to go. I said fine, and told him to turn left.
As he was driving, we were just talking about what I had done that day, and I told him I was sorry for not being ready and able to come sooner. After a while, he asked where he was supposed to turn. Oh...you missed it. It was way back there. I didn't realize we were going to my house. Sorry?
He decided he was really hungry. I just had mac and cheese. He asked me where I wanted to go, and I said Wendy's, if anything. He decided sandwiches sounded good. We drove a while, and it hit me: he could be taking me to his house to rape me. How could I be so stupid? I asked him where he was going, and he said to the sandwich shop. I'm pretty sure I said something along the lines of: 'that's good you aren't taking me to your house.' Even more stupid, I know. We got to the sandwich place. "Nosebleed, no cars are here. I'm pretty sure it's closed.' He didn't believe me, and we got out, to find that I was right. He said some curse words, and then asked me what else we should do. I said we could go to a cute cupcake shop near my house. He got mad because cupcake shop and the sandwich shop weren't near each other. I realized the door handle was not where door handles usually are.
We drove to the cupcake shop to find out that it was closed because it was a) Labor Day, and b) Monday. I started to semi-complain about the fact that it's closed, because I love it so much, and then he made fun of me for whining about it. And then he came up with a genius idea: let's break in and take some cupcakes. I told him my ideal first date was not going to jail and having to explain why I was in jail, and with him. He told me that I wouldn't get arrested if I was invited in. Okay Nosebleed, if there is broken glass, and you're in the store, and so am I, we'd both be put in jail. He told me we'd be fine, and I told him I was ready to leave.
He decided he was really hungry. He asked me what I wanted, and I said my usual answer: "Wendy's." Good thing...my dad made me eat mac-n-cheese before he left for a movie and I left for my date. (My parents to this day know nothing about my almost relationship with Mr. Nosebleed.) So I wasn't hungry. He told me that that wasn't acceptable for a first date, and I had to chose somewhere else. He could have paid $2 and I would have been satisfied. But no...he decided he wanted Italian. So, we drove to an Italian restaurant, and waited for 20 minutes. In this time, he dug through my purse, tip jar, and stole my glasses. We went to sit down, and it was at a corner booth. I almost sat on top of him, because he was in front, and sat down at the first seat. I'm sure he would have been fine with me sitting on him, but I thought it was awkward. So I walked farther.
When I was sitting, he decided it'd be fun to play AbusiveFootsie with me. I told him to stop because it hurt, and so he started making faces instead. Fabulous. Then he told me that the couple that was sitting behind us, was looking at me. Another duh moment: someone I know could be there. That'd be hard to explain. I told him it was probably because they wanted his body. He didn't think it was as funny as I did. I asked him what was good, and he told me the calzones and bread sticks. He got mad I didn't listen to him when he told me dirty things on the phone about the bread sticks. The bread sticks were gross, and the calzones weren't good either.
During dinner, we talked about all the boys I had kissed, and how I don't really like Connor, but I do at the same time. Because we were best friends. His friend was also texting Nosebleed and I at dinner, and so that was great. Friend was mad because we didn't invite him, even though he was working at the time.
Nosebleed asked for the check, looked at it, and told me that I cost a lot of money. I told him not to say that, because I opted for the dollar menu at Wendy's. I ended up giving him some money to pay the bill, so that the waitress didn't get a very generous tip. We walked out, I reassured him I hadn't ever kissed AbusiveAlmostBoyfriend, and we got to his car. I went to open the door, forgot the handle was on the window, and once I had the door half way open, he shut it, and asked me what I was doing. I said opening the door, and he said that since we were on a date, that was his job. Oh, so now he's being civil? Okay...
We drive down the street, and he swears at all the nice cars that drive past us, because he has road rage. He starts rubbing my leg, and I ask him to stop, because it's making me feel uncomfortable. He doesn't, so I tell him that I am going to slap him. He doesn't believe me, so I remind him of how just months before, my sister got a concussion because of me. He decides that's good enough, and stops.
We are driving along, and he thought it would be funny to threaten my life, by pulling into a parking lot, and speeding until he almost crashes. We were close enough to my house that I could get out and walk home and be fine. I had my hand on the doorknob, ready to go. I screamed, and told him to stop, or I was going to leave. He slammed on the breaks, and pulled into a parking stall. We sat there and looked at each other, and exchanged words, but they have since slipped from my memory. He asked me what I wanted to do, and we ended up leaving. We were just driving along, and then he got a text saying he needed to babysit his nephew, so he told me he was going to take me home. I had a weird feeling about it, and didn't want him to take me home. I told him to drop me off at the bowling alley that he picked me up at, and I would just walk home from there. He was mad, but did what I asked. As I was getting out of the car, he told me I had cute underwear on, and I went home with enough cologne on me to make any person choke.
And that folks...is the worst date I've ever been on.
*I'm not being dramatic, but I get nosebleeds everyday from February to April. I told him that I was the most unlucky person the day I found out I had to be on a bus with someone for so long, and he thought I was talking about another bloody nose.
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